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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Autism More Common Than Thought

A new government study published in the journal Pediatrics indicates that one in every 91 American children is affected by autism instead of the previously estimated number of one in 150. What do you think?
  • "Wow, that means there is one child with autism at all times in Chuck E. Cheese."

    Wendy Roeder Knurling-Machine Operator
  • "Back in the day, we didn't go over-diagnosing every kid with a problem. We just excluded them."

    Stan Benzinger Mold Cleaner
  • "My autistic kids are the coolest, though, because they don't interrupt me when I'm on the phone."

    Gordon Pirnia Winch Operator

After Birth

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