adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Avengers' Has Record Second Weekend

The Avengers became the first film to make more than $100 million domestically in its second weekend, and has now grossed more than $1 billion to date worldwide. What do you think?

  • “Aw, man, I should have made The Avengers.”

    Nate Moses Unit Clerk
  • “Personally, I found that revenue ticker in the lower-right corner of the screen too distracting for me to enjoy the movie.”

    Jane Aravena Systems Analyst
  • “I’ll have my secretary send the Avengers film a bouquet of flowers. Where does it live?”

    Andy Trout Radar Mechanic
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close