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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Average Home Contains Hundreds Of Bug Species

A detailed survey of 50 homes in Raleigh, NC found that the presence of arthropods such as insects, spiders, and centipedes was far more abundant than previously thought, with each home containing between 32 and 211 unique species, including some believed to be otherwise extinct. What do you think?

  • “Then why do I feel so lonely?”

    Harvey Feltz Hatchery Supervisor
  • “Just tell me which ones I have to be worried about crawling into my mouth while I’m sleeping.”

    Tessa Jorgensen Unemployed
  • “Thank God I live in an apartment.”

    Josh Haviland Lobby Monitor
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