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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Baby Cured Of HIV

After being placed on antiretroviral medications beginning 30 hours after its birth, a child born HIV positive was found to be completely free of the disease two and a half years later, offering hope for a potential cure for the roughly 330,000 infants born with the infection each year.

  • “Babies really seem to bounce back from things.”

    Chantal Anderson Copyright Expert
  • “That’s great! Now I can stop telling my baby that if he gets HIV he’s a goner.”

    Cole Peet Racket Stringer
  • “Infants these days have it too easy.”

    Angelo Pileggi Systems Analyst
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