adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Baby Cured Of HIV

After being placed on antiretroviral medications beginning 30 hours after its birth, a child born HIV positive was found to be completely free of the disease two and a half years later, offering hope for a potential cure for the roughly 330,000 infants born with the infection each year.

  • “Babies really seem to bounce back from things.”

    Chantal Anderson Copyright Expert
  • “That’s great! Now I can stop telling my baby that if he gets HIV he’s a goner.”

    Cole Peet Racket Stringer
  • “Infants these days have it too easy.”

    Angelo Pileggi Systems Analyst

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close