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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Baby Cured Of HIV

After being placed on antiretroviral medications beginning 30 hours after its birth, a child born HIV positive was found to be completely free of the disease two and a half years later, offering hope for a potential cure for the roughly 330,000 infants born with the infection each year.

  • “Babies really seem to bounce back from things.”

    Chantal Anderson Copyright Expert
  • “That’s great! Now I can stop telling my baby that if he gets HIV he’s a goner.”

    Cole Peet Racket Stringer
  • “Infants these days have it too easy.”

    Angelo Pileggi Systems Analyst
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