Bald Eagles Thriving

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City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Bald Eagles Thriving

A recent survey indicated that bald eagles would soon be taken off the endangered-species list. What do you think?
  • "Damn it! Every time I memorize the endangered-species list, some bureaucrat changes it."

    James Threadman
    Production Technician
  • "There goes any hope I had of my basement full of bald eagles appreciating in value."

    Paul Abramowicz
    Quality-Control Supervisor
  • "And with that, trout go back onto the endangered-species list."

    Karenne Eng
    Elevator Operator