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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Innovation

Bald Eagles Thriving

A recent survey indicated that bald eagles would soon be taken off the endangered-species list. What do you think?
  • "Damn it! Every time I memorize the endangered-species list, some bureaucrat changes it."

    James Threadman
    Production Technician
  • "There goes any hope I had of my basement full of bald eagles appreciating in value."

    Paul Abramowicz
    Quality-Control Supervisor
  • "And with that, trout go back onto the endangered-species list."

    Karenne Eng
    Elevator Operator
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