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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Barbara Walters Announces Retirement

Barbara Walters, who broke gender barriers by becoming the first woman to anchor a national nightly newscast, announced that she will retire from broadcasting in 2014 after more than 50 years on television. What do you think?

  • “Good luck to her in her next job!”

    Susanna Carlyle Accordion Maker
  • “I’d just like to announce that the Barbara Walters fan page will carry on stronger than ever despite today’s sad news.”

    Simon Speer Systems Analyst
  • “But without Barbara around, The View is going to descend into banal topics and pointless commentary.”

    Darren Beaufoy Food Chemist

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