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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Barnes & Noble Releases Color Nook

Bookseller Barnes & Noble announced the release of a full-color, touch-screen version of its Nook e-reader last week. What do you think?

  • "A Nook? No thank you! They'll be pulling this Borders Kobo from my cold dead fingers!"

    James Warshaw Systems Analyst
  • "There's a new Nook? You gotta be fucking shitting me."

    Tabitha Crane Mechanical Subassembler
  • "It's only a matter of time before Oliver Twist is peppered with pop-up ads for gruel and waistcoats."

    Barry Kaplan Incinerator Operator
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