adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Barnes & Noble Releases Color Nook

Bookseller Barnes & Noble announced the release of a full-color, touch-screen version of its Nook e-reader last week. What do you think?

  • "A Nook? No thank you! They'll be pulling this Borders Kobo from my cold dead fingers!"

    James Warshaw Systems Analyst
  • "There's a new Nook? You gotta be fucking shitting me."

    Tabitha Crane Mechanical Subassembler
  • "It's only a matter of time before Oliver Twist is peppered with pop-up ads for gruel and waistcoats."

    Barry Kaplan Incinerator Operator

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close