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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Batman vs. Bin Laden

Frank Miller and DC Comics announced that they would be publishing a graphic novel in which Batman hunts down Osama bin Laden. What do you think?
  • "Did Katrina teach us nothing? We need Batman here, at home."

    Charlie Edwards Clerk
  • "A cartoon targeting the Muslim world. I bet that'll go over great."

    Jane Baker Concessions Director
  • "Superheroes taking on real-life enemies doesn't always work, if you recall the Incredible Hulk vs. Pol Pot crossover."

    Maury Frontega Day Trader
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