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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Batman vs. Bin Laden

Frank Miller and DC Comics announced that they would be publishing a graphic novel in which Batman hunts down Osama bin Laden. What do you think?
  • "Did Katrina teach us nothing? We need Batman here, at home."

    Charlie Edwards Clerk
  • "A cartoon targeting the Muslim world. I bet that'll go over great."

    Jane Baker Concessions Director
  • "Superheroes taking on real-life enemies doesn't always work, if you recall the Incredible Hulk vs. Pol Pot crossover."

    Maury Frontega Day Trader

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