adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bear Attacks Rise Sharply Across U.S.

During the past week, at least seven people in five states have been attacked by bears, including grizzly bears, brown bears, and the historically more docile black bear. What do you think?

  • “If a bear tries to swipe your pic-a-nic basket, just let him have it.”

    Tommy Whiting Awning Hanger
  • “But we’re the most lovable species!”

    Patrick Egbert Fish Smoker
  • “That’s so scary! I’m glad I haven’t left my apartment since the internet started.”

    Carey Self Copy Editor

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close