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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Bear Attacks Rise Sharply Across U.S.

During the past week, at least seven people in five states have been attacked by bears, including grizzly bears, brown bears, and the historically more docile black bear. What do you think?

  • “If a bear tries to swipe your pic-a-nic basket, just let him have it.”

    Tommy Whiting Awning Hanger
  • “But we’re the most lovable species!”

    Patrick Egbert Fish Smoker
  • “That’s so scary! I’m glad I haven’t left my apartment since the internet started.”

    Carey Self Copy Editor

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