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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Beatles Edition Of Rock Band Coming Out

The Beatles: Rock Band is scheduled to hit shelves Sept. 9. What do you think?
  • “Finally. I was going broke replacing my smashed instruments from playing the The Who: Rock Band.”

    Kai Twiller Plumber
  • "I heard that after completing the game you and your friends never talk again."

    Patti Wipprecht Branch Controls Specialist
  • "Forget going to Best Buy on Sept. 9—there'll be hordes of screaming girls everywhere."

    Walter Holmes Pawn Shop Owner
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