adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Beatles Edition Of Rock Band Coming Out

The Beatles: Rock Band is scheduled to hit shelves Sept. 9. What do you think?
  • “Finally. I was going broke replacing my smashed instruments from playing the The Who: Rock Band.”

    Kai Twiller Plumber
  • "I heard that after completing the game you and your friends never talk again."

    Patti Wipprecht Branch Controls Specialist
  • "Forget going to Best Buy on Sept. 9—there'll be hordes of screaming girls everywhere."

    Walter Holmes Pawn Shop Owner

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close