Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

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Vol 46 Issue 01

Colts To Rest Starters For First Game Of Playoffs

INDIANAPOLIS—At his weekly press conference Monday, Colts head coach Jim Caldwell announced that he will rest key starters during the divisional round of the AFC playoffs to keep his players fresh for a Super Bowl run.

Man Gets Life In Order For 36 Minutes

JACKSONVILLE, FL—"It was nice to get some chores out of the way," Terry Oberlin told reporters later, acknowledging that for more than half an hour he experienced no regrets, despair, or frustration of any kind. "Felt really good."

Chris Johnson

This blisteringly quick Titans running back just set the NFL's single-season total yardage record. Is he any good?

Scandalous Coach Firings

Mike Leach's departure from Texas Tech was a spectacle, but it wasn't the first unusual firing in sports history. We look at other notable incidents.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

According to a biography by Peter Biskind, actor Warren Beatty has had sex with approximately 12,775 women in the past 52 years. What do you think?
  • "We should keep in mind that this number is a bit inflated by the 12,500-way he participated in back in 1967."

    Roberta Clowes
    Census Taker
  • "That's a lot of pancakes, if he cooked them pancakes the next morning like I assume he did."

    Dennis Loeb
    Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, I should get Peter Biskind to write my biography."

    Ivan Sturm
    Assayer
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