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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

According to a biography by Peter Biskind, actor Warren Beatty has had sex with approximately 12,775 women in the past 52 years. What do you think?
  • "We should keep in mind that this number is a bit inflated by the 12,500-way he participated in back in 1967."

    Roberta Clowes Census Taker
  • "That's a lot of pancakes, if he cooked them pancakes the next morning like I assume he did."

    Dennis Loeb Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, I should get Peter Biskind to write my biography."

    Ivan Sturm Assayer

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