adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bee Species Rediscovered

Scientists from the University of California–Riverside announced they have rediscovered a bumblebee that was last seen in 1956. What do you think?

  • "Talk to me about honey. How much of it is there and how sweet? With bees that's all I want to know."

    Alex Marsh Oxidizer
  • "Two questions immediately arise. First, why were they so elusive for so long? Second, is there one on me?"

    Rich Hooper Greenskeeper
  • "Yeah, the Cockerell's bumblebee—sorry about that. They were trapped between my screen door and front door for a few decades, and I just recently got up the nerve to let the angry things out."

    Janel Savage Retired

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close