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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Beef Prices Highest In 27 Years

The average price of American beef has skyrocketed due to drought and increased demand from abroad, which may prompt restaurants to limit beef offerings or downsize portions of food. What do you think?

  • “I keep a couple of cows in the backyard just for occasions like this.”

    Mary Caldwell Car Wash Manager
  • “That’s okay; it just means that when I take my wife to the Steak ’n Shake it’ll be that much more special.”

    Sean Reed Systems Analyst
  • “Nobody tell the cows or they’ll start acting like dicks.”

    Lance Barnum Masonry Contractor

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