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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Beef Prices Highest In 27 Years

The average price of American beef has skyrocketed due to drought and increased demand from abroad, which may prompt restaurants to limit beef offerings or downsize portions of food. What do you think?

  • “I keep a couple of cows in the backyard just for occasions like this.”

    Mary Caldwell Car Wash Manager
  • “That’s okay; it just means that when I take my wife to the Steak ’n Shake it’ll be that much more special.”

    Sean Reed Systems Analyst
  • “Nobody tell the cows or they’ll start acting like dicks.”

    Lance Barnum Masonry Contractor
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