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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Being Ignored On Facebook Lowers Self-Esteem

According to a new study, Facebook users who receive little feedback from friends in the form of comments, “likes,” and other messages are more likely to experience low self-esteem and feelings of meaninglessness. What do you think?

  • “The system works!”

    James Antonucci Field Contractor
  • “My dad likes all my posts, and somehow that makes it worse.”

    Steve Weininger General Practitioner
  • “I don’t think we’re going to make it as a species anymore.”

    Portia Barrientos Crafts Advisor

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