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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Beloved's Controversial Award

Some members of America's literary community are up in arms, claiming Toni Morrison's Beloved was named the best American novel of the past 25 years out of political correctness. What do you think?
  • "Beloved?! Over that, uh... one classic book? And what about that other one? Past 25 years, you said?"

    Amie Mondale Crime-Scene Cleaner
  • "Blah, blah, blah. When do we vote for best kebabs?"

    Andrew Blevins Building Manager
  • "Beloved is just another example of angry minorities trying to do away with the canon by generating moving works of literary genius."

    Syd Green Tailor
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