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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Beloved's Controversial Award

Some members of America's literary community are up in arms, claiming Toni Morrison's Beloved was named the best American novel of the past 25 years out of political correctness. What do you think?
  • "Beloved?! Over that, uh... one classic book? And what about that other one? Past 25 years, you said?"

    Amie Mondale Crime-Scene Cleaner
  • "Blah, blah, blah. When do we vote for best kebabs?"

    Andrew Blevins Building Manager
  • "Beloved is just another example of angry minorities trying to do away with the canon by generating moving works of literary genius."

    Syd Green Tailor

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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