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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Benedict XVI's Last Day As Pope

After nearly eight years as head of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will step down from the papacy today at 8 p.m. Vatican time, beginning his post-retirement life as a so-called pope emeritus. What do you think?

  • “Great. He deserves a break after thoughtfully addressing the Church’s problems for all those years.”

    Brandon Vargas Lag Screwer
  • “Man, he is going to get the sweetest watch.”

    Patricia Carrillo Jersey Knitter
  • “But I never got to tell him how I felt!”

    Ian Pock Tax Record Clerk

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