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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Benedict XVI's Last Day As Pope

After nearly eight years as head of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will step down from the papacy today at 8 p.m. Vatican time, beginning his post-retirement life as a so-called pope emeritus. What do you think?

  • “Great. He deserves a break after thoughtfully addressing the Church’s problems for all those years.”

    Brandon Vargas Lag Screwer
  • “Man, he is going to get the sweetest watch.”

    Patricia Carrillo Jersey Knitter
  • “But I never got to tell him how I felt!”

    Ian Pock Tax Record Clerk

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