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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Benedict XVI's Last Day As Pope

After nearly eight years as head of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will step down from the papacy today at 8 p.m. Vatican time, beginning his post-retirement life as a so-called pope emeritus. What do you think?

  • “Great. He deserves a break after thoughtfully addressing the Church’s problems for all those years.”

    Brandon Vargas Lag Screwer
  • “Man, he is going to get the sweetest watch.”

    Patricia Carrillo Jersey Knitter
  • “But I never got to tell him how I felt!”

    Ian Pock Tax Record Clerk

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FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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