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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bert And Ernie Not Gay

Reacting to an online petition calling for Muppets Bert and Ernie to marry, Sesame Street released a statement on its Facebook page explaining that the duo are just friends and do not have a sexual orientation. What do you think?

  • "It seems like the show is missing a great opportunity to teach preschoolers about sex."

    Eric Davis Systems Analyst
  • "The petition-writers clearly don't know their Sesame Street history. The construction workers Biff and Sully were the ones who truly pushed an aggressive gay agenda in the 1970s."

    Zelma Wash Heel Gouger
  • "If you're looking for gay puppets, I just finished watching Sexame Streak and I highly recommend it."

    Lew Williams Unemployed
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