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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Bert And Ernie Not Gay

Reacting to an online petition calling for Muppets Bert and Ernie to marry, Sesame Street released a statement on its Facebook page explaining that the duo are just friends and do not have a sexual orientation. What do you think?

  • "It seems like the show is missing a great opportunity to teach preschoolers about sex."

    Eric Davis Systems Analyst
  • "The petition-writers clearly don't know their Sesame Street history. The construction workers Biff and Sully were the ones who truly pushed an aggressive gay agenda in the 1970s."

    Zelma Wash Heel Gouger
  • "If you're looking for gay puppets, I just finished watching Sexame Streak and I highly recommend it."

    Lew Williams Unemployed

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