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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Beyoncé, Destiny's Child Album Sales Surge After Super Bowl

Online sales of Beyoncé’s albums have leapt 230 percent since her well-received Super Bowl halftime show Sunday, while digital record sales for her former group Destiny’s Child, with whom she reunited during the performance, have soared 600 percent. What do you think?

  • “Bandwagoners. I’ve been buying Beyoncé’s music since the inauguration.”

    Warren Vitale Library Director
  • “That was the most emotional reunion I’d seen since the Clydesdale reunited with the rancher 10 minutes earlier.”

    Alfie Nadel Gas Delivery Driver
  • “Wow. Someone should let advertisers know a Super Bowl appearance can really boost sales.”

    Molly Sarno Unemployed

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