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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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Big Drugs About To Go Generic

The patents of six of the 10 bestselling prescription drugs will expire over the next two years, making room for cheaper generic equivalents. What do you think?

  • "I guess I could put the generic drug in some old Lipitor packaging so people will still think I’m well off."

    Anna Pepys General Handling Supervisor
  • "I hope they don't cheapen the production value of the commercials. It's nice to see baby boomers dressed in neutral colors looking so self-assured."

    Al Childs Systems Analyst
  • "Just two years, huh? Yeah, I think I can last that long."

    Neil Bond Unemployed

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