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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bigfoot Corpse A Fraud

Members of Search For Bigfoot, Inc. said they had been tricked into buying a fake Sasquatch body from an ex-policeman. What do you think?
  • "I truly empathize with those guys because the exact same thing happened to me, but with a Burberry scarf."

    Jordan Pressler Personal Assistant
  • "Hopefully they can put all this behind them and continue their important work."

    Keith Crowley Event Planner
  • "So that means...the real Sasquatch is still on the loose! Oh no!"

    Patty Paik Accountant

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