Bilingual Education Under Fire

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Satisfaction

  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Bilingual Education Under Fire

On June 2, California voters overwhelmingly passed Proposition 227, a measure eliminating bilingual education programs for millions of Spanish-speaking immigrants. What do you think?
  • "We don't need bilingual education. We just need to speak louder and slower, and finish all sentences with, 'Comprendé?'"

    Richard Moore
    Systems Analyst
  • "I am in favor of bilingual education, as long as the two languages are Choctaw and BASIC."

    Peter Amos
    Graphic Designer
  • "My great-grandfather arrived in America in 1903, and I can assure you, he did not speak Spanish."

    Christine Falcone
    Civil Engineer
  • "This problem is even worse in Mexico: Almost nobody speaks English over there."

    Marisa Schone
    Legal Secretary
  • "It is vital that Spanish-speaking immigrants learn English. How else are they supposed to understand how I want my hedges clipped?"

    Oliver Kittridge
    Lawyer
  • "I've been living here on El Camino Drive in Santa Cruz for nearly 30 years, and, thank goodness, I've never had to speak a word of Spanish."

    Stockbroker
    Eddie Wuhl