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Bilingual Education Under Fire

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Bilingual Education Under Fire

On June 2, California voters overwhelmingly passed Proposition 227, a measure eliminating bilingual education programs for millions of Spanish-speaking immigrants. What do you think?
  • "We don't need bilingual education. We just need to speak louder and slower, and finish all sentences with, 'Comprendé?'"

    Richard Moore Systems Analyst
  • "I am in favor of bilingual education, as long as the two languages are Choctaw and BASIC."

    Peter Amos Graphic Designer
  • "My great-grandfather arrived in America in 1903, and I can assure you, he did not speak Spanish."

    Christine Falcone Civil Engineer
  • "This problem is even worse in Mexico: Almost nobody speaks English over there."

    Marisa Schone Legal Secretary
  • "It is vital that Spanish-speaking immigrants learn English. How else are they supposed to understand how I want my hedges clipped?"

    Oliver Kittridge Lawyer
  • "I've been living here on El Camino Drive in Santa Cruz for nearly 30 years, and, thank goodness, I've never had to speak a word of Spanish."

    Stockbroker Eddie Wuhl

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