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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Bilingual Education Under Fire

On June 2, California voters overwhelmingly passed Proposition 227, a measure eliminating bilingual education programs for millions of Spanish-speaking immigrants. What do you think?
  • "We don't need bilingual education. We just need to speak louder and slower, and finish all sentences with, 'Comprendé?'"

    Richard Moore Systems Analyst
  • "I am in favor of bilingual education, as long as the two languages are Choctaw and BASIC."

    Peter Amos Graphic Designer
  • "My great-grandfather arrived in America in 1903, and I can assure you, he did not speak Spanish."

    Christine Falcone Civil Engineer
  • "This problem is even worse in Mexico: Almost nobody speaks English over there."

    Marisa Schone Legal Secretary
  • "It is vital that Spanish-speaking immigrants learn English. How else are they supposed to understand how I want my hedges clipped?"

    Oliver Kittridge Lawyer
  • "I've been living here on El Camino Drive in Santa Cruz for nearly 30 years, and, thank goodness, I've never had to speak a word of Spanish."

    Stockbroker Eddie Wuhl
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