Billionaire Calls For High-Speed Tube Transit

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Partying

Billionaire Calls For High-Speed Tube Transit

California billionaire Elon Musk unveiled his plan for a futuristic transportation system, the Hyperloop, which would send passengers at 800 miles per hour through above-ground steel tubes and cut travel time between Los Angeles and San Francisco to 30 minutes. What do you think?

  • “Wow. So you could live in L.A., work in San Fran, and disintegrate somewhere outside Bakersfield.”

    Doug Wallace
    Oceanographer
  • “I’ll always remember today as the last time I heard about this incredible project.”

    Sylvia Groeschel
    Hearing Aid Salesman
  • “What am I supposed to do for 30 minutes?”

    Zade Mingalone
    Unemployed
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