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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Billionaire Gives $100 Million To Central Park

In what is thought to be the largest-ever donation to a public park, hedge fund manager John Paulson gave $100 million to the not-for-profit Central Park Conservancy, which maintains the 843-acre public space. What do you think?

  • “Finally, a gift for the impoverished people of Manhattan.”

    Wayne Volaitis Electrical Drafter
  • “With that kind of money they should be able to get Simon & Garfunkel to play there again, no problem.”

    Donald Canovas Baseball Scout
  • “God knows Central Park needs the money. I mean, they’re still depending on horse-powered carriages for transportation.”

    Lisanne Sable Screwhead Polisher

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