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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Billions Of Cicadas Begin Swarming East Coast

After 17 years underground, as many as one trillion so-called Brood II cicadas are beginning to emerge along the East Coast for their brief two- to four-week adulthood, during which time they will sing, feed, mate, and lay eggs. What do you think?

  • “God, I’m getting sick of those things. Every single fucking 17 years.”

    Edward Floret Ski Patroller
  • “Myself, I’ve always enjoyed Brood I much more.”

    Patricia Deschamps Vulcanizer
  • “What a coincidence. I’m also thinking of emerging on the East Coast to feed and hopefully mate.”

    Lionel Tracy Meat Smoker

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