Bin Laden Not In Control?

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

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Bin Laden Not In Control?

According to the U.S. envoy to Pakistan, Osama bin Laden may no longer be in control of al-Qaeda. What do you think?
  • "We won! Without bin Laden, there's no possible way that terrorism can continue!"

    Rory Simpson
    Archivist
  • "I don't think bin Laden ever existed in the first place… He's just a story Islamic extremists tell their kids to explain where bombs come from."

    Rebecca Morgan
    Systems Analyst
  • "Well, that would explain all the directionless suicide bombers blowing themselves up left and right lately."

    Phil Dorgan
    Librarian