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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Bin Laden Relatives Sentenced

A Pakistani court sentenced Osama bin Laden's three widows and two daughters to 45 days of house detention for living illegally in Pakistan. What do you think?

  • "It’s good to see Pakistan’s refusing to harbor terrorists’ widows."

    Mark Carruth
    Systems Analyst
  • "This just goes to show that it might take a decade and a trillion dollars, but even the widows or daughters of our enemies will eventually face some kind of justice, however trivial."

    Andrea Sullivan
    Harbor Master
  • "So the punishment for living in Pakistan illegally is being forced to stay there? Fuck, Pakistan, get some self-esteem."

    Gilbert Gooden
    Cake Wrapper

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