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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Bin Laden Wore Cowboy Hat To Avoid Detection

According to an investigation by the Pakistani government into the death of Osama bin Laden leaked to the public Monday, the former al-Qaeda leader wore a cowboy hat, shaved his beard, and used other tricks to avoid being detected by authorities for nearly 10 years. What do you think?

  • “I do this at work all the time. Throw on a 10-gallon hat and it’s like you’re not even there.”

    Brandon Whalen Plant Breeder
  • “Oh, so that’s why the Pakistani government couldn’t find him living next to a military base for 10 years.”

    Jean Hackett Compliance Officer
  • “I’ll bet he looked pretty darn handsome.”

    Peter Kirkwood Dorm Room Inspector
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