adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Bishops Urge Iraq Withdrawal

U.S. Catholic bishops described the situation in Iraq as "unacceptable" and urged the withdrawal of troops as quickly as possible. What do you think?
  • "I'm impressed. Once they got over the earth moving around the sun, they caught up to current news really quick."

    Jose Marinos Scheduler
  • "As bishops, their outlook is always diagonal. They should understand that Bush, as a leader, can only move a little at a time."

    Anthony Cheswick Associate Professor
  • "Now there's a Catholic withdrawal method we can all get behind."

    Gloria Johnson Personal Trainer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close