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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Blogging Teacher To Return To Work

After a brief suspension, a Pennsylvania teacher will be returning to work at the same high school whose students, faculty, and administrators she criticized in blog posts. What do you think?

  • "My teacher hated my guts, but she did the right thing and just quietly knocked three points off my exams."

    Karen Gartside Systems Analyst
  • "That's okay. I taught those kids enough about life and love when I was their substitute teacher. And I let them call me 'Hank.'"

    Henry T. Gillis Substitute Teacher
  • "She's right, fourth period sucks."

    Bob McDonald Attorney

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