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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bloomberg Forms Super PAC

Billionaire New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is using his own money to form a super PAC that will run ads for congressional, state, and local candidates from both parties who support gay marriage, tighter gun laws, and school reform. What do you think?

  • “But someone injecting that much personal wealth into the political process could undermine the integrity of our super-PAC system.”

    Grover Anderson Furniture Pad Tufter
  • “Oh, sure, just throw money at the problem. That’s real effective when it comes to influencing policy.”

    Wayne Glass Priest
  • “He really couldn’t think of anything more fun to do with all that money?”

    Sydney Delesha Helminthologist
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