adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bloomberg Forms Super PAC

Billionaire New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is using his own money to form a super PAC that will run ads for congressional, state, and local candidates from both parties who support gay marriage, tighter gun laws, and school reform. What do you think?

  • “But someone injecting that much personal wealth into the political process could undermine the integrity of our super-PAC system.”

    Grover Anderson Furniture Pad Tufter
  • “Oh, sure, just throw money at the problem. That’s real effective when it comes to influencing policy.”

    Wayne Glass Priest
  • “He really couldn’t think of anything more fun to do with all that money?”

    Sydney Delesha Helminthologist

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close