Bloomberg Rule Would Hide Cigarettes From Sight

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Vol 49 Issue 12

Charlotte Bobcats Get Lost While Driving To Basket

CHARLOTTE, NC—Attempting to put together an offensive play during last night’s matchup against the Detroit Pistons, the Charlotte Bobcats’ starting five got lost while driving to the basket, team sources confirmed Sunday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Bloomberg Rule Would Hide Cigarettes From Sight

New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is advancing a new initiative that would prevent tobacco products from being visibly displayed in city stores, forcing shopkeepers to hide the products in cabinets, under the counter, or elsewhere out of sight. What do you think?

  • “You New Yorkers are welcome to come out to St. Louis. You can stare at cigarettes all you want here.”

    Esteban Olmos
    Snuff Grinder
  • “That should work. Smokers are notoriously bad with object permanence.”

    Marci Shulak
    Barrel Repairer
  • “Could he have them hide Pringles from me, too? Daddy loves Pringles.”

    Carl Pyle
    Air-Compressor Operator
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