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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Blue Food Dye Helps Spinal Injuries

Researchers have found that the blue food dye found in M&Ms; and Gatorade may help new spinal injuries heal. What do you think?
  • "And to think, just 14 years ago, some people didn't vote for the blue M&M. For shame."

    Daniel Coy Systems Analyst
  • "Interestingly, blue food dye also contributes to the medical condition known as 'blue tongue.'"

    Darcy Ripp Financial Planner
  • "If Christopher Reeve were alive today, I'm sure he'd be the first to say, 'Blue M&Ms? Are you fucking kidding me?'"

    Aaron Peacocke Barber

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