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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Bolton Steps Down

John Bolton, the American delegate to the UN, will step down when the current term runs out. What do you think?
  • "It's a shame. He had so many bridges yet to burn."

    Tammy Watson Systems Analyst
  • "With Bolton finally out of the way, the UN can get back to doing what it does best: solving the world's problems in a quick and efficient manner."

    Leo Schneider Grocery Bagger
  • "He was the one person I could count on to stand in the face of popular opinion and wear that absurd mustache."

    Ryan Smith Promotions Manager

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