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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bolton's UN Nomination

The Senate continues to debate John Bolton's nomination for UN ambassador, with Bush threatening to appoint him in spite of their concerns. What do you think?
  • "Man, if the Democrats are going to block every terrible idea Bush has, nothing's ever going to get done in Washington."

    Mindy Biancardi Designer
  • "Appointing Bolton to the UN is like appointing a fish to ride a bicycle that he hates and wishes to destroy."

    Seth Johnson Systems Analyst
  • "He may look gruff, but I'm sure he's quite warm and grandfatherly once you get to know him. We're talking about Wilford Brimley, right?"

    David Wilcox Desk Clerk
  • "It's amazing! I've been following this story from day one, and I still don't give a shit."

    Kevin Mouton Sportscaster
  • "Some people say I look like John Bolton. You see the resemblance? No? It's the mustache."

    Brian Dixon Optician
  • "All these problems stem from the Bush Administration's refusal to hand over documents requested from them. Isn't about time we outlaw documents?"

    Kim Murillo Fire-Alarm Installer

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