adBlockCheck

Bones Of King Richard III Found Beneath Parking Lot

Top Headlines

Recent News

NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Streaming

Bones Of King Richard III Found Beneath Parking Lot

Human remains found beneath a parking lot in the English city of Leicester were identified as those of King Richard III, who was widely reviled for murdering those who stood in his way and who died in battle in 1485. What do you think?

  • “This should take some of the heat off Prince Harry for a while.”

    Burt Spivia
    Systems Analyst
  • “I guess that solves the case of the haunted Leicester parking lot.”

    Farrah Sprigga
    Water Meter Reader
  • “Oh hell, now that jerk at the office Dave Plantagenet will never, ever shut up about this.”

    Sammy Busbee
    Zipper Setter

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close