adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Border Patrol Finds Pot On Bieber Tour Bus

U.S. border patrol agents reportedly found marijuana on Justin Bieber’s tour bus as it passed from Canada into Detroit Sunday, though Bieber himself was not on the bus at the time and made his scheduled performance later that night. What do you think?

  • “Whoa, that kid’s got his own bus?”

    Danny Tooley Gear Cleaner
  • “Once you go to the weed, it’s over. I’ve seen friends on that stuff.”

    Marjolaine Price Unemployed
  • “Who cares about drugs? How was the show?”

    John Piper Polyphase Meter Tester

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close