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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Boston's Big-Dig Fiasco

Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney took over an inspection of the Big Dig, Boston's recently completed multi-billion-dollar tunnel highway system, after a collapsed ceiling panel killed a driver. What do you think?
  • "Listen, when the government spends $14 billion on anything, you are going to have to accept that an innocent person will die under a concrete slab."

    Mindy Wilmington Lathe Operator
  • "That's what they get for building it on the site of the ancient Indian burial tunnels."

    Adam Conklin Prosthetic Limb Salesperson
  • "How come when I spend day after day in a tunnel it's 'loitering and trespassing,' but when the governor of Massachusetts does it, it's an 'investigation'?"

    Brian Laskin Pizza Delivery Driver

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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