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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Botox May Cure Migraines

Pharmaceutical company Allergan says its paralysis-inducing wrinkle preventer Botox works as a treatment for chronic migraines. What do you think?
  • "I think what's going on here is just that people can't visibly grimace in pain anymore."

    Jeremy Klein Exterminator
  • "And it smoothes out those unsightly brain wrinkles."

    Anne Burges Systems Analyst
  • "Inject poison into my head?! Why didn't I think of that?"

    Victor Dunbar Bartender
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