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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Boxing's Black Eye

A New York grand jury is investigating whether judges received illegal payments in connection with the controversial March 13 Evander Holyfield-Lennox Lewis title fight, which was ruled a draw despite the fact that Lewis seemed to have easily beaten Holyfield. What do you think about this latest boxing scandal?
  • "Can't two black men beat the holy hell out of each other in this country any more without some sort of controversy?"

    Christopher Wooten Bond Trader
  • "Thank heavens Muhammad Ali isn't lucid enough to comprehend this shameful episode."

    Amy Des Jardins Graduate Student
  • "I saw the fight, and the decision was a complete sham. It was clear that Willie Pep had knocked out Kid Bassey in the fifth. What? The fight wasn't on Classic Sports Network?"

    Roger Traub Systems Analyst
  • "With regard to boxing, I have only one question: Why'd you fuck Joey?"

    Rajesh Bhawnani Shipping Clerk
  • "It's the children I feel sorry for; the doe-eyed, apple-cheeked cherubs who look up to these sledge-fisted brutes."

    Frances Phelan Pastry Chef
  • "What? A boxing match may have been fixed? That's fascinating. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go contemplate the fact that I'm basically alone in the universe."

    Larry Mees Plumber
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