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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Boy Scouts To Allow Gay Members, Ban Gay Leaders

The Boy Scouts of America voted during their annual meeting yesterday to allow the admittance of openly gay youths into the scouting program, while maintaining the organization’s ban on homosexual adults as scout leaders. What do you think?

  • “Big deal. I was in the scouts 30 years ago and was gay as gay can be.”

    Colin Stiven Unemployed
  • “But the gay scoutmasters know all the hip new knots.”

    JoAnn Moriceau Slurry Mixer
  • “Good. Now get out there and sell some popcorn!”

    Edward Boyd Sign Hanger

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