Boys Now Entering Puberty Younger

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Boys Now Entering Puberty Younger

On the heels of research showing that some American girls are beginning puberty as young as 7 or 8 years of age, a new study suggests that boys are maturing 6 to 24 months earlier than they were four decades ago, though the cause remains unknown. What do you think?

  • “Are we sure kids today aren’t just getting uglier and smellier?”

    Liev Alexanian
    Educational Specialist
  • “Now that you mention it, 11-year-old boys have been looking a lot hotter over the past couple years.”

    Rita Hogan
    Gift Wrapper
  • “Ha, what a bunch of freaks!”

    Joel Chin
    Aligning Inspector
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