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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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BP Buys Search Terms

BP paid Yahoo! and Google so that the oil company's own website would be the first result shown after a search for terms such as "oil spill." What do you think?

  • "They didn't have to go to all that trouble. I would've just ignored this whole thing for 10 bucks."

    Angie Duvall Chemical Absorption Operator
  • "If they're not careful, they could start being associated with oil spills."

    Chad Durant Systems Analyst
  • "That's pretty bad on BP's part, but it's not the worst thing they've ever done. The oil spill itself is the worst thing they've ever done."

    Alex Horne Lacquer Polisher
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