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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bradley Cooper Admits He Lives With His Mother

Bradley Cooper, the Oscar-nominated star of Silver Linings Playbook and former People magazine Sexiest Man Alive, admitted that his mother lives in the next room of their shared home, where she has resided since his father died in 2011. What do you think?

  • “Hey, what do you know? I’m doing just as well as Bradley Cooper!”

    Ray Shandley Box Labeler
  • “What a caring and selfless act by a man I will never stop mocking.”

    Hunter Heslup Fish Hatchery Worker
  • “Sure, I see her every day when she drops him off at the Hangover set.”

    Pauline Walpole Light Rigger

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