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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Bradley Cooper Admits He Lives With His Mother

Bradley Cooper, the Oscar-nominated star of Silver Linings Playbook and former People magazine Sexiest Man Alive, admitted that his mother lives in the next room of their shared home, where she has resided since his father died in 2011. What do you think?

  • “Hey, what do you know? I’m doing just as well as Bradley Cooper!”

    Ray Shandley Box Labeler
  • “What a caring and selfless act by a man I will never stop mocking.”

    Hunter Heslup Fish Hatchery Worker
  • “Sure, I see her every day when she drops him off at the Hangover set.”

    Pauline Walpole Light Rigger
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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