adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bradley Manning Wants To Live As Woman

One day after receiving a 35-year sentence for leaking classified information, Army Pfc. Bradley Manning announced that he has always felt he is a woman, that he wants to begin hormone therapy, and that he wants people to refer to him as Chelsea. What do you think?

  • “Dammit. Well, the law is the law. Chelsea Manning is free to go.”

    Jay Hamill Tinsmith
  • “Look, we all want to live as women.”

    Gene Rathner Lounge Car Attendant
  • “That is one nutty broad.”

    Toby Lazarowitz Quarry Supervisor

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close