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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Brain Exercises Don't Stop Alzheimer's

Researchers have found that while brain exercises can help slow the onset of Alzheimer's disease, they actually speed up its progress once symptoms of the illness have appeared. What do you think?

  • "Poor Will Shortz."

    Paula Strange Wafer Cleaner
  • "Somebody should have stopped Ronald Reagan's long-standing tradition of counting to 25 everyday."

    Devin Richmond Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God. Now I can put away these goddamn grandchildren flash cards my daughter made me."

    Jerry McKenzie Taffy Puller
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