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Brain Mechanism Triggered By Electroshock Discovered

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

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WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
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Brain Mechanism Triggered By Electroshock Discovered

Though electroconvulsive therapy has been in use since the 1930s, a paper published in the journal Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences described for the first time how the treatment cures patients of depression. What do you think?

  • "That must be why epileptics are so happy."

    Brian Quigley
    Reverser
  • "That's great. Now we can finally explain to patients exactly what will happen before we drag them flailing and screaming in hysterics to have their brains electrocuted."

    Arthur Mullan
    Motor Vehicle Dispatcher
  • “I hope this knowledge doesn’t kill the pioneering spirit of experimentation that first led doctors to try electrocuting people just to see what would happened.”

    Lane Terrell
    Unemployed

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