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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Brain Surgery Live Tweeted

A brain surgery performed at Houston's Memorial Hermann hospital was live-tweeted, complete with accompanying photos and video. What do you think?

  • "I bet it's just viral marketing for some new brain movie."

    Cory Hosford Aging Room Operator
  • "I thought it was really sweet how @kraftsingles leant their moral support to the operation. #cheeseitup."

    Bradley McNair Unemployed
  • "That was me! Morf was my brawn!"

    Stephanie Conley Ordinance Inspector

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