Brand, Perry Marry

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Vol 46 Issue 43

Desperate NFL Needs Big Win To Turn Season Around

NEW YORK—After eight weeks of play with no teams emerging as clear front-runners, the National Football League desperately needs at least one spectacular win to salvage its lackluster season, sources confirmed Monday.

Townsfolk Strongly Prefer Man's Werewolf Incarnation

BLACK FOREST, GERMANY—Townsfolk told reporters Tuesday that they can't wait for the next full moon, as they much prefer the bloodthirsty lycanthropic form of "insufferable" local blacksmith Hans Meyer, who was bitten by a werewolf eight mo...
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Brand, Perry Marry

British comedian Russell Brand wed pop star Katy Perry in a ceremony in India on Saturday. What do you think?

  • "Aw. I love when people decide to get married in a place that holds no cultural or religious significance to them prior to the day of their wedding."

    Logan Hooper
    Joint Cutter
  • "This reminds me of when what's her name married what's his face. Unfortunately for them, I don't think it worked out."

    Chloe Savage
    Protective Officer
  • "Uh, I have nothing prepared. May your union be fruitful?"

    Elijah Andridge
    Multifold Operator
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