Brangelina Expecting

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

Brangelina Expecting

Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitt’s baby. What do you think?
  • “Apparently, the weak dollar has made it more cost-effective to produce certain things here than import them.”

    Albert Wesker
    Supervisor
  • “I believe that this miracle child will die for our sins, most likely during a taping of The Surreal Life 2034.

    Claire Redfield
    Assisted Living Professional
  • “Looks like Chris in accounting is 10 bucks poorer today. Pay up, sucker!”

    Leon Kennedy
    Engineer