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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Brazil Elects Its First Female President

Winning by more than 10 percentage points, Dilma Rousseff was elected the first female president of Brazil. What do you think?

  • "This would be great news, if 'first' were 'millionth' and 'Brazil' were 'the kitchen.' Am I right, fellas?"

    Fred Walter Sealant Mixer
  • "Maybe a warm female touch is just what that country needs to turn around its bland, gray, button-down personality."

    Solveg Russell Braille Proofreader
  • "Who cares? I just voted for a professional wrestling actress."

    Tommy Organ Galvanometer Assembler

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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